your parents love me but you hate me
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
