OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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