I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
