he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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