just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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