false alarm. still invincible.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
