I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
