I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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