So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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