I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
