she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
