I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
