Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Randomize
