You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
