barbara walters just said penis...
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
