but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
