is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I think people are normalizing furries
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
