I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
