did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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