remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
