listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
send nudes
from the living room?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
