I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
