hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
