Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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