I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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