I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
