We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
