She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
