I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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