3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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