i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
