I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
