so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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