I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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