ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
