pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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