Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
