My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
This is my gift to your gina
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
