I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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