Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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