my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
birth control should be required to get into college
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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