Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
