ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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