I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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