Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
