im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
