Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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