You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
