Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
