the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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