What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
