My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
